I am so awesome. I am so awesome that big companies all over the country are desperate for me. You know those bags that they give to celebrities at awards shows that are worth like $10000? Thats nothing. Jessica Simpson's gift bag has nothing on what I get in my mailbox every week. For example, just in the last couple days I received the following invaluable free gifts:
- A check for $6000 from Bank Of America. Yes, I do have to pay it back, but its at the low low rate of 24.7 percent interest.
- A free plastic phone complete with service outages from Alltel Mobile.
- $129 from BellSouth just for signing up for their phone, internet, and mobile service!
- 6 pounds of yellow paper bound together in one large yellow book complete with millions of phone number listings that I will never need.
- An offer to save hundreds of dollars a year with a new mortgage at a fabulous new rate only a few points above my current rate.
- A check for $8000 from Capital One. Again, I do have to pay this one back, but they gave me a great deal on the interest rate.
I'm expecting to start receiving letters in my mailbox from a wealthy nigerian who needs help retrieving millions of dollars.
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