Friday, June 13, 2008

Fire Ant Bastards Bit my Butt

Mothers Day weekend I went to Charlotte to visit my mother and do some work for her around the house.  On Sunday, she asked me to transplant some things into her rose bed.  So there I am sitting on the edge of her rose bed on an old railroad tie, when OUCH, something stung!

I looked down and saw red ants all over where I was sitting, and I jumped up and started high-tailing it down the driveway towards the door to the house, blinding flailing and trying to swipe the ants off my pants.  On the way I kicked off my shoes and threw off my shirt.  I made it inside with just my pants and socks on and went bounding down the hallway, when my socks slipped on the wood floor and I went in the air cartoon-style.  I landed elbows first and howled in pain, meanwhile ants were biting and stinging me!  I got up, elbows bruised, ran to the bathroom, and realized that I'd just carried fire ants into the house!  There were at least 20 of them still on the seat of my pants, even after my swiping and my great fall.  I looked in the mirror, and there were already 4 big red welts on my butt!  For the first time in my life, someone could accurately say, "Lance did a dance with ants in his pants" (do you have any idea how many times I heard rhymes like that as a kid?).

The story gets worse.

My mom and sister, laughing at me a little at this point, pointed out that urine would stop the pain.  So what did I do?  Yep.  I peed on my own butt (ok, actually I peed in a cup and cotton ball swabbed my butt).  What a strange thing that was to do.  But, for anybody who is laughing - it worked.  I eventually found one other bite that I did not urine-swab, and that one turned out to be the only one that itched severely, even though they all blistered up that same day.

Interestingly, fire ants actually do bite and sting.  They first grab on with their bite, and then double over their bodies to deliver the sting.  They do this not once but repeatedly.  Once the first ant stings, it emits pheromones that cause the other ants to swarm and join in the fun stinging.

4 comments:

the larsons said...

What I want to know is how you ran with a cast on. And I had to dab pee on my friend's back once when she got stung by two yellow jackets.

Lance said...

Haha, this was back on Mother's Day, so a while ago before I hurt my ankle. :)

Anonymous said...

LOL!! This was even funnier to read than when you told me about it over the phone. LOL. I'm sorry it sucked, but I can't help but picture you trying to fight ants ninja-style... and losing.

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